什麼是真正的「善良」？
幾乎每個人有良知的人，對善良都很矛盾。
一邊真心的想要為善，一邊又覺得善良很容易會吃虧
就是因為這種矛盾，造成了大部分人在意的是「別人有沒有覺得我善良」，而不是自己到底是不是真正的善良
而且，善良很難「量化」。有些人付出比較多，也許是因為他就是有能力；有些人不善良，也可能是因為他沒有能力。
聖經上也有小故事提到，耶穌覺得「窮寡婦的兩塊銅板，比有錢人的奉獻更多」
另外，善良還會有觀感的問題。有時候我們覺得某些人善良，是因為那些人讓我們「感覺比較好」
但是，當他們的善良威脅到我們的自尊、利益或是形象，或某個你沒準備好改變的觀念的時候，我們就會（無意識或有意識）找盡理由去證明他們是壞蛋。
總之，因為上面這些因素（可能還有其他，但我一時想不到），Kelly 教練覺得所謂的「真正的善良」，很難用特定標準評價出來。
只要評價的人或訂出標準的人（包括我們自己），還存在上面說的「在意別人眼光」、「有維護自尊心、利益、形象、某種世界觀的動機」時，就不太可能對自己或他人的善良程度有公正的評價。
如果你有心要追求努力當個善良的人，我想讓你知道：
真正的善良，常常不是靠你做了什麼、然後得到什麼評價，來判斷的。
單純只看行為，不能證明我們善良，但是!!!!這不代表行為無用。
很顯然某些行為容易讓我們比較能保持善良，有些不行。比如我有一次發現，捐款給我認同的機構完，感覺會很好，也讓我有更多動力去努力做出貢獻
我們要做的是去做這些行為，同時很清楚這樣做的原因是「讓我們能夠更容易保持善良」，而不是只在意他要變成一個證明：「你看，我很善良，選我！」
注意自己這些身心狀態的微妙變化，然後選那些有幫助的去多做，會變成一種鍛鍊，讓你漸漸靠近「我發自內心不需任何證明的意願，同時剛好也都是符合他人需要的」的狀態
那麼，哪些事情可以讓我們比較容易保持善良？
每個人不一樣，但通常都脫不了「照顧自己」跟「幫助他人」。
「照顧自己」是一種對人生理與心理的深刻理解，明白身體不是一個人的全部，但是一個需要我們打磨與維護的「容器」，完整堅固的容器才能開始裝水，給自己與他人解渴，也就是「幫助他人」
同時，反過來說，我們也要盡量讓自己減少處在那些「容易讓自己變不善良」的狀態。
在這種狀態，除了你自己很難做出自發性的善良行動，你同時很難感覺到「善意」，因為剝奪感、不安全感、負面情緒、大腦的認知扭曲思考方式，遮住了你在自然放鬆狀態下的清澈判斷力。
你甚至會進一步：
誤解別人的善意是惡意，把其實善良的人當成別有居心（因為你會覺得世界上不可能有這種好人，他的存在不符合你當下感受到的狀態）
或
把其實別有居心的人當成善意（通常是一些擅長跟你這種剝奪感、不安全感、想要懲罰自己的感覺共鳴的人，他們會給你「在那個負面狀態下」以為自己需要的東西，比如錯誤但好懂的答案、或是給妳某種「保證」安撫你需要抓住求生繩索的本能）
這描述起來很容易，但真的處在那些當下時，我們是很難逃離自己這個迷障的。不要小看自己的軟弱，但也不要放太大，因為這是生而為人必然會面對的課題
希望所有真心追求善良的人，都能夠擁有雪亮的眼睛，同時始終保持足夠的初心 
（風實在太大又想要遮陽以至於艱困地調整傘面以免被吹翻ing）
推薦閱讀：到底怎麼維持動力？
What is True “Kindness”?
Almost everyone with a conscience struggles with the concept of kindness.
👀 On one hand, they really want to do something to benefit others from the bottom of their hearts, while on the other hand, they think kindness might lead to disadvantages.
Because of this contradiction, most people are actually concerned about “whether others think I’m kind” rather than whether they are truly kind themselves.
💄 Furthermore, it’s challenging to “quantify” kindness. Some people give more, perhaps because they have the capability, while others may not be kind due to a lack of capability.
(There are even stories in the Bible where Jesus said that “the two small coins of the poor widow were worth more than the offerings of the wealthy.”)
🌶️ Additionally, kindness can be a matter of perception. Sometimes, we think certain people are kind because they make us “feel better.”
However, when their kindness threatens our self-esteem, interests, image, or a particular worldview that we are not ready to change, we (unconsciously or consciously) find all sorts of reasons to prove that they are villains.
🎯 In summary, because of these factors (there may be others, but I can’t think of them at the moment), Coach Kelly believes that determining what constitutes “true kindness” is difficult to do using specific standards.
As long as the evaluators or those who setting the standards (including ourselves) are still influenced by the factors mentioned above, such as “concern about how others perceive us” and “motives to protect our self-esteem, interests, image, or a certain worldview,” it’s unlikely that we can fairly assess our own or others’ levels of kindness.
If you sincerely aspire to be a kind person, I want you to know:
What you do, and the evaluations you receive as a result, are not the standard to evaluate whether you are kind or not.
Simply looking at behavior alone cannot prove our kindness, but!!!! This doesn’t mean that behavior is useless.
Clearly, certain behaviors can make it easier for us to maintain kindness, while others cannot. For example, I once found that donating to organizations I support made me feel good and gave me more motivation to contribute.
👉🏻 What we should do is engaging in these behaviors while being very aware that the reason for doing so is to “make it easier for us to maintain kindness,” rather than just caring about turning them into evidence of “look, I’m kind, choose me!”
Pay attention to the subtle changes in your physical and mental states and then choose to do those things that help. This will become a form of training that gradually brings you closer to a state where “you act from an inner willingness without needing any proof and, at the same time, it aligns with the needs of others.”
❓So, what can make it easier for us to maintain kindness?
Everyone is different, but it usually comes down to “taking care of yourself” and “helping others.”
“Taking care of yourself” is a deep understanding of the physical and mental aspects of life. It means recognizing that the body isn’t everything, but it’s a “vessel” that we need to refine and maintain. Only a complete and sturdy vessel can hold water and quench your own and others’ thirst, which is “helping others.”
❌ At the same time, conversely, we should try to minimize situations that “make it easy for us to be unkind.”
In such situations, not only is it challenging for you to spontaneously perform kind actions, but you also find it difficult to receive kindness from others because deprivation, insecurity, negative emotions, and the brain’s cognitive distortion obscure your clear judgement in a natural, relaxed state.
You might even:
💔 Misinterpret others’ kindness as malice and view genuinely kind people as having ulterior motives (because you might believe that there can’t be such good people in the world, which doesn’t align with your current state of mind).
or
💔 Regard those with ulterior motives as kind (usually individuals who can resonate with yourr feelings of deprivation, insecurity, and a desire for self-punishment). They may provide you with the answers you want to hear, even if they’re wrong, or offer some form of “assurance” to soothe your instinct to cling to a lifeline.
Describing this is easy, but when you’re in those moments, it’s challenging to break free from your own barriers. Don’t underestimate your weaknesses, but also don’t exaggerate them, because these are issues that every human being inevitably faces.
I hope that all those sincerely pursuing kindness can keep their eyes open and always maintain their original intents ❤️.
